This song is a FEEL.
The soft, sleepy and sultry voice. The indolent pace of the melody and instruments. The half-awake feel that carries you along like you're floating in a warm, lazy river.
Whenever I hear it, I feel like the song wraps itself around me like a light silk blanket. All I can do is drift along with it. Listening to it feels like I'm somewhere between here and a dream.
And that's where I found myself a couple of days ago; half awake, physically and mentally worn out, and emotionally blunted and checked out. Driving quietly, by myself. Hot outside. No real thoughts, just events repeating in my head from the relentless pace of the past three days of 12-hour shifts at work. Tired...very, very tired. I had just slept a great deal to try and catch up, but I still wasn't rested.
And then, this song came on and felt exactly right. A small smile. The window is down now and I'm feeling warm, comfortable wind brushing over me and petting me while things inside start to wake up just a little bit. It was perfect for turning a somber and empty exhaustion into comfortably drifting along to a song and a feeling.
The song is about a relationship that is failing. She cared about something immensely and invested who she was into it, only for things to seemingly crumble apart. This is the nature of many things in life; we pour ourselves into our passions and causes. And we need to take the time to heal when things don't work out.
I've spent the past 5 years of my career working in a burn and pediatric trauma ICU. And that time is coming to an end. I'm sad that it is. I don't want to leave my unit, but I do need to. I've been finding myself increasingly reeling and dazed from work and it's hard to gauge if things will get better. My fuse has gotten much shorter. Bedside nursing is one of those jobs in which you're constantly being asked to do more with less. I'm running out of creative ways to do what's needed of me with what little I have. All I can really do is hope that my skills and knowledge will serve me well in my next environment.
I've got something lined up. But it will be four days of work per week, instead of the current three. That means 10-hour shifts, instead of 12s. While I was initially a little bummed over that, something I've come to realize is that I'll now have time to start sending off auditions with my extra time in the mornings on my work days. I think that working four days a week might actually be better for me and voiceover. Time will tell.
And in the meantime, time will heal.
A powerful reminder that ALL of our lives need balance, and when things start to get out of balance we are responsible to make a change...no matter how painful it might be in the making. I try to remind myself that even when the worst possible things happen, it may be the best thing that happens to you. MAY - not always, but many times. Hoping this change is just what you need in YOUR life to stay balanced and charged.
A powerful post Michel. I can't imagine the toll your job takes on you, especially dealing with kids. I hope you won't feel at fault because you have to make a change. As you know, healing takes time. Allow yourself whatever it takes and however long it takes. Everyone you serve will benefit as well. Four 10s will take some adjustment, but I trust it will be a blessing for you. Take care! -Jon
Another lovely post, Michael! Love your writing. I hope your new position is just as fulfilling and wonderful as your current one seems to have been. <3
Wow. Light silk blanket indeed! That beat and heavy synth was mesmerizing, and given that I’m presently sitting in The Chair That Eats People in my son’s room listening to Close Your Eye Sleepy Paws by Moshi, I find that selection quite unfair. I have no vocabulary to replyy to the resssst of your beauuutiful blog, except too sssayyy orf gerbrlschnitz dwee hoffenslagel od dwerzim glod zuterep schweeeeeeee….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Another great post Michael. I can't even imagine my life without music. It has been a constant in my life. Glad to hear you are moving to a job that allows you more audition time and hopefully less burn out.